Alright. I am slacking. I am the worst blogger in the history of bloggers. I need to start doing this like clockwork.. Or just adding it to my homework list everyday. Oh well, it is what it is.I finished a scholarship this week last minute (as usual) and had to write a 300 word essay. I used to be really great at scholarship applications and resumes and fulfilling every little ivy league achieving expectation, but I'm really not feeling it as much this year... So I wrote my short little essay on my grieving process (if you can even call it a process) in the form of a little numbered list. Here's a copy of it. I'm sure it will change as I learn more."The Ten Things Wikipedia Doesn’t Tell You About Grief"

1. There is no timeline. People talk about steps and processes, but it never feels like you make progress.
2. Anything – even a rubber duck – can potentially send you into a puddle of tears.
3. You might be appointed the guardian of three little siblings in your mother’s will.
4. It’s okay to have happy days.
5. You will listen to any and all music in search of memories, especially Michael Jackson.
6. Lasagna is everyone’s go-to comfort food and your freezer will be full of it.
7. Death brings out the best and worst in a family. Love them anyway.
8. Talking to a box of ashes isn’t as weird as you think it might be.
9. You probably never anticipated trying to find a male role model for your seven-year-old brother.
10. Everything will give you cancer, but you can’t live in fear of it.

My live-in uncle died in February 2016 of pancreatic cancer. My father died 6 weeks ago of brain cancer. You’d think that watching someone battle something terminal for two years might prepare you, but let me tell you, I was not prepared.And maybe I never will be. I wish I could rattle off to you about personal growth and strength and self actualization and all the scholarship-deserving trials and tribulations I’ve overcome, but all I know right now is that I try to get up every morning and take it one day at a time, which is a challenge in itself.So I suppose there’s yet another thing they forget to tell you about grief: Each day has the potential to be the best or worst day of your life, it really just depends on what you do with it.Super cute, right? I think so. Kinda tried to put a not-as-heart-wrenchingly-sorrowful-as-it-actually-is spin on it. I love you guys... Till next time.