Alright. I am slacking. I am the worst blogger in the history of bloggers. I need to start doing this like clockwork.. Or just adding it to my homework list everyday. Oh well, it is what it is.
I finished a scholarship this week last minute (as usual) and had to write a 300 word essay. I used to be really great at scholarship applications and resumes and fulfilling every little ivy league achieving expectation, but I’m really not feeling it as much this year… So I wrote my short little essay on my grieving process (if you can even call it a process) in the form of a little numbered list. Here’s a copy of it. I’m sure it will change as I learn more.
“The Ten Things Wikipedia Doesn’t Tell You About Grief”
- There is no timeline. People talk about steps and processes, but it never feels like you make progress.
- Anything – even a rubber duck – can potentially send you into a puddle of tears.
- You might be appointed the guardian of three little siblings in your mother’s will.
- It’s okay to have happy days.
- You will listen to any and all music in search of memories, especially Michael Jackson.
- Lasagna is everyone’s go-to comfort food and your freezer will be full of it.
- Death brings out the best and worst in a family. Love them anyway.
- Talking to a box of ashes isn’t as weird as you think it might be.
- You probably never anticipated trying to find a male role model for your seven-year-old brother.
- Everything will give you cancer, but you can’t live in fear of it.
My live-in uncle died in February 2016 of pancreatic cancer. My father died 6 weeks ago of brain cancer. You’d think that watching someone battle something terminal for two years might prepare you, but let me tell you, I was not prepared.
And maybe I never will be. I wish I could rattle off to you about personal growth and strength and self actualization and all the scholarship-deserving trials and tribulations I’ve overcome, but all I know right now is that I try to get up every morning and take it one day at a time, which is a challenge in itself.
So I suppose there’s yet another thing they forget to tell you about grief: Each day has the potential to be the best or worst day of your life, it really just depends on what you do with it.
Super cute, right? I think so. Kinda tried to put a not-as-heart-wrenchingly-sorrowful-as-it-actually-is spin on it. I love you guys… Till next time.